Mrs. Eleanor G. Valley, 91, wife to Robert for 62 years, died on Nov. 22 at her home in Branford. She increasingly suffered from dementia for the past five years, and died of respiratory failure. She was a volunteer and patron of the musical arts, and an active participant in community activities.
Eleanor Ruth Genevese was the only child of Helen, a tall woman of Irish descent, and Jerome, a handsome Neapolitan who was a plumber by trade. She was born on Sept. 21, 1924, at her parent’s home on Sheffield Avenue, New Haven. She grew up in the Newhallville neighborhood, attending the Bassett Street elementary and Hillhouse High schools, and would describe her home life as being “not a lot of fun.” Summers spent at her Uncle Fenney’s farm in North Branford or trips down to Philadelphia to visit her more adventurous Aunt Marguerite were highlights of an unremarkable childhood. But she was a good student and graduated as salutatorian from Albertus Magnus College (BA ’45), and then received a full scholarship to Fordham University in New York. Her frequent travels into the city were an adventure and they allowed her to catch evening performances of the Metropolitan Opera before taking an inexpensive room at the YMCA and attending class the next day. She graduated with a degree in social work (MSW ’47), but would later remark that she valued the music as much as the academics. After university, she worked briefly for SNET as a telephone operator, and later with Catholic Charities as a social worker.
She met her future husband Robert (Bob) Valley at a Catholic Graduate Club social function in the early 50’s and after a brief courtship they were married in January of 1953. As the wife of an officer, she was allowed to accompany him to his posting in Heidelberg, Germany. Using his military leave they toured extensively by car, taking advantage of the good will of the Europeans and cheap fuel offered at the many military outposts.
Upon their return from service, four more children were born within the following nine years, and Eleanor took on the role of full-time mother. Having grown up as a single child and never expecting a large family, she accepted this challenge and the expectations of the times without complaint, coupled with characteristic skill, dedication, and love. Scraping together all their savings, a building lot was bought in the Pine Orchard section of Branford, and together the two built most of their own house, clearing the land with a friend, and after contracting for the foundation and shell/exterior work, completing all the interior work together. It was a prodigious effort and introduced Eleanor to skills she’d later use to help all her children.
While her children were growing she was involved with the PTA, Girl and Cub Scouts, 4-H, and the League of Woman Voters (LWV), in which she actively participated as president, treasurer, den mother, and troop leader, with an understanding that all these organizations required participation and leadership to be effective. While her involvement in most would wane once the children would leave the organization, LWV and Girl Scouts were the exceptions, and she’d continue to participate with Scouting on a local and state level for many years until tiring of the bureaucracy.
As the family grew, began to go off to college, and later leave home completely, she would take great pride in the accomplishments of her children and both their academic and personal achievements. But by the mid 80’s the activity level and cadence that she’d grown accustomed to diminished, and she questioned her life accomplishments and began to seek meaning through personal involvement and learning. Her early interest in music became a focus of this renaissance and she returned to attending the Metropolitan Opera, and started an extensive collection of recordings, video, and librettos to support that interest. She also joined the Branford Musical Arts Society, where she would meet a wide range of local talent, encourage young and gifted artists, and soon would serve as president. Perhaps her biggest contribution and personal satisfaction came through an involvement with the restored Shubert Theater, where she became one of the earliest volunteers in that new organization. Working principally at the box office, although her work included support roles throughout the theater, she continued as a valued member of the staff for more than twenty years, retiring from her work in 2005 when physical problems affected her mobility. The aisle seat in the right side balcony became “her” seat, and she would sit there during all performances she’d attend. A small gold plaque with her name was affixed to the back of this seat in her honor.
In the early 90’s she began to travel more, and began to spend a portion of the winter in Florida because she “hated the cold weather.” Some of her more memorable trips were taken with her daughters, and four of these involved drives across the United States, with stops in Las Vegas as meeting points of convenience or to renew wedding vows. Another was an Elderhostel trip to Austria and Germany, which returned on Sept. 11, 2001. This flight was diverted as US airspace was shut down, and involved an unexpected three-day gymnasium stay in the Newfoundland town of Gander. The family was greatly relieved upon her safe return, and to this day can’t think of the events of that infamous day without recalling our concerns regarding her whereabouts.
Eleanor’s decline began about 2005 when her back began to degenerate and she was hospitalized for extensive back reconstruction. This surgery ended her involvement with the Shubert and greatly affected her mobility. Soon thereafter the onset of symptoms of dementia began to be recognized; her mother and aunt had suffered this same affliction for years before they’d died, and Eleanor had long feared the same demise. A sinister and wasting disease, it had certainly begun by her final cross-country drive in 2007, and four years later she stopped attending the opera because she could no longer follow the story lines. Initially, she was quite skilled at covering and masking these symptoms, but eventually even this level of self-awareness was lost and her world became restricted to a narrow window of the present moment, with occasional sparks of the past as highlights. During most of this time Bob was her sole care-giver. He attended to her recovery from back surgery, her daily care, and a never-ending regimen of appointments and medications. He also endured her mental decline with persistent good humor and resolution. But when he was forced into the hospital only nine months ago, continuous care was required and it became evident how great an effort he had put into keeping her living comfortably at home. By July a live-in assistant was found who would care for “Miss Ellie” for the rest of her life. Bob died in mid-September, confident that Eleanor was well cared for, and a little more than two months later she slipped away peacefully, just before sunrise on the Nov. 22. Though long anticipated, her death came as a surprise. Despite months of mental preparation, it was incredibly sad to realize she was gone.
A wonderful, intelligent, and attentive mother, Eleanor leaves five children, Susan Valley Chen (Terry) of California, Diane Valley Mierz (Steve) of Stony Creek, Patricia Valley Black (Pete) of Short Beach, Robert (Marianne Infranca Valley) of Guilford, and David (Nancy Perrins Valley) of Guilford; and six grandchildren, Andrea (Branford), Julia (Pennsylvania), Chris (California), Matt and Sarah (Branford), and Alice (Guilford).
The family wishes to thank all of the many wonderful caregivers from No Place Like Homecare and Connecticut Hospice for their compassionate care and oversight. We couldn’t have managed without you all.
While the burial will be private, a memorial mass is planned for both Eleanor and Robert in January of 2016. All interested should contact the family or Funeral Home for details. She always loved flowers, but it saddened her as they faded away. A more lasting contribution in her memory may be made to The Animal Haven, Inc. 89 Mill Rd., North Haven, CT 06473. The Hawley Lincoln Memorial Funeral Service of Guilford is in charge of arrangements.
