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NAMI Benefit Coming to the Community Center

A January 2020 incident in which a young Guilford man stabbed and wounded a woman in Westport made stirring headlines across the state for a short while, but the lasting effects of the crime and the mental health issues raised in its wake continue to resonate for the families involved. Now, the family of the young man, aided by the local National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) affiliate, is offering a night of meditation and reflection to benefit NAMI at the Community Center on Wednesday, April 27.

Denise Paley knows all too well what occurred on this tragic day. Her son Ellis was the perpetrator of this act and despite the horrific nature and its outcome, and according to Paley, there was much more to this story including the effect it had on the friends and loved ones of both families.

According to Paley, her son, who was a senior in high school at the time, was suffering from a psychotic episode due to his well-documented battle with mental health issues. Paley is deeply empathetic to the victim and her family, she said, but strongly believes the episode could have been mitigated or even prevented had some simple steps been taken by law enforcement.

She said the case highlights the lack of law enforcement training in dealing with those suffering from mental health issues, the difficulty of finding treatment avenues for those with severe mental health diagnoses, and ultimately the need for a more coherent prevention system for those with these health issues.

“Firstly, our family is terribly saddened by what happened to this woman and her family. We never would have thought something like this was possible before it happened to our family. My son had a psychotic episode several years ago, and we had gone through the police because we were certain he was going through a health crisis, but the police did not,” Paley said. “We didn’t have any experience in this space and I didn’t know where to turn. I was overwhelmed. So that’s when I reached out to our local NAMI affiliate and I wound up getting more involved because our case was so public.”

Paley stressed her concerns should not be considered a condemnation of law enforcement or a criticism of their actions in dealing with those in the throws of a mental health crisis. According to Paley, one of the goals of NAMI assisting in the training of law enforcement in how to deal with and deescalate these episodes, and helping departments pay for those costs for their officers.

Event coordinator Lisa Labadia said the April 27 meeting is extremely important, not only raise funds, but awareness of the issue and how its effects ripple through families, police departments, and communities. Labadia, who has been friends with Paley for a decade, said after hearing her friend speak one night at a private event, she was inspired to do something in the hope of preventing incidents like the one faced by those in crisis, from occurring in the first place.

“I was so touched by Denise’s story and felt we needed to do something,” said Labadia. “I had done a meditation with Chrystyne [McGrath, host of the meditation session] before, and I thought it would be a great way to bring awareness. We truly need to create awareness. All of us can be touched by this. If you break your arm you go and get it fixed, but if there is something wrong with your mental health obviously people are not as willing to seek help. There’s a stigma and we really want to change that.”

Paley is involved with public advocacy for mental health issue awareness. She now serves on the board of NAMI and helps those who are in the same position she and her family were.

“It’s my belief is the way we’re going to change, as a society, keep people from having crises is by reaching people sooner, and earlier and more upstream,” said Paley.

To that end, Paley and NAMI advocate for police training to help identify and deescalate mental health confrontations. At the same time, the organization works both ends of the mental health spectrum, trying to prevent episodes such as what occurred with her son, and also seeking to obtain adequate therapeutic intervention in the aftermath of an incident.

“This is the philosophy with our crisis intervention team training. If our police departments are trained on how to address or recognize an emerging mental health issue, then there are no victims and nobody winds up going to prison, and the police are in less danger, too,” said Paley. “If we can reach our children when they are younger and teach them about what mental actually is, and take the stigma away from it and how to speak up, if know something with a mental health challenge or if they themselves do, our belief, and it’s based on data, most mental health issue begin percolating when with kids before age 14. So, if we can reach these kids when they’re younger hopefully we can save heartache and trauma later on.”

According to Paley, her son’s situation is an ongoing process of trying to ensure her son is held accountable, but at the same time desperately seeking mental health intervention in a system that isn’t designed to provide that care.

“His care has been difficult. Prison is not a resource to properly support someone with a mental illness. I don’t have an issue with any of his health care providers that he has been working with,” said Paley. “I don’t have any complaints with the staff there. I think everyone is doing their part with the very best of intentions, but it is like pushing against the tide because the conditions in prison are deplorable and dehumanizing. It is very hard to help someone when they are so far down the road in a situation like this. If you want to make somebody better, if you want them to recover-you need wrap-around services that are more than just giving medication.

“Prison is simply not designed for that,” she continued. “So, people get out and then you have to start from square one again. If you you’re not going to look at the root cause of what brought someone to prison, mental illness, or trauma, or addiction, why did they wind up there to begin with? If we are not going to look at that, what’s the point? Because people are going to be released worse than when they arrived, unless wear going to address the root causes.”

Paley said a shift in focus is what is ultimately going to make a positive impact and change.

“We live in a society that addresses mental health when people are in crisis,” Paley said. “We don’t do that with other illnesses. If you have high blood pressure, we’re not waiting until you have a heart attack, we’re treating it now so you don’t have a heart attack,” she said. “We need to treat mental illness in the same way. The purpose of doing these events is to let people know how common it is. It’s a part of being human. You’re not alone. No one should feel shamed, it’s an illness.

“My son did something he will have to deal with for the rest of his life. We don’t want that to define him, and no one should be defined by this illness,” she continued. “Please reach out to us at NAMI. We can help and provide answers.”

Pre-registrations are required for the Wednesday, April 27 event held at 7:30 p.m. at the Community Center and led by area meditation facilitator and trance medium and healer Chrystyne McGrath. at To register or for more information, email Lisa Labadia at lmlabadia@aol.com. There is a suggested $25 donation fee for this event to help raise funds for NAMI; 100 percent of the proceeds will go to NAMI-Shoreline.

For more information on NAMI-Shoreline and the services it provides, visit nami.org or 800 Village Walk, Suite 208 in Guilford or email namishoreline@gmail.com.