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At Any Moment

Perhaps you've heard the story of the American and Japanese businessmen who, after a long day's work, were walking along the city sidewalks on their way to dinner. They were ambling, conversing, rehashing the day's events, and looking forward to a good meal. At one point, they arrived at a crosswalk. Since no cars were coming in either direction, the American businessmen crossed the street, only to discover their Japanese peers were still waiting at the opposite corner. They'd pressed the "walk" button located on the lightpole, waited for the walk signal, and then crossed.

"There were no cars coming," one American man noted, puzzled that his Asian peers made the choice they'd made. "Why did you wait?"

The Japanese businessmen looked around and up at the high-rise apartment building located there at the corner.

One responded, "There might have been a child looking out of a window." This is a role-modeling story.

Positive role models come from every walk of life, are of any age, faith, ethnicity. They may be married or single, come from a large family or be the last in their line, have been born abroad or right down the block, be male or female, etc. The point is, there's nothing stopping any one of us from being a positive role model. It's one of the ways each individual really can change the world.

Before the 20th century, people didn't know much about human development or why people did what they do. While there were proverbs, clichés, and common sense to understand human behavior and raise children, it wasn't until the 1970s that the social scientist Albert Bandura first described his social learning theory. Bandura discovered, through his own observations and research, that people, and especially children, learn by observation. They observe other people, the environment, and the mass media and they imitate or copy the behavior that's been modeled. For some of us in the 21st century, this may come as a no-brainer. We've had 50 years to get used to the idea. But for many of us who think about children's wellbeing, Bandura's discovery remains a gift.

So what should we model? Pro-social behaviors, of course, are a good start. When in doubt, the social sciences have given us many resources over the last 50 years. Tri-Town Youth Services, along with youth serving agencies and organizations across Middlesex County, use a model called The 40 Developmental Assets. These assets are not financial assets, but consist of the people, places, things, opportunities, and experiences that help children and youth grow into healthy, happy adulthood.

The 40 Developmental Assets and role modeling-the combination may be as close to that "Parenting Manual" we've all been guilty of wanting to consult. Check out keyword: The 40 Developmental Assets for more information. At any moment, a child may be watching.