How To Celebrate Friendsgiving: You Do You
Jacqueline Rigney grew up in Madison, moved to New York City, and decided one year to plan out the perfect Friendsgiving.
And then, right before the celebration, the power went out in her apartment building.
So she scrambled and called around and found a bar that agreed to host the party, one that would allow them to bring all of the dishes they had planned.
The group embraced the temporary chaos and the change, she says, “and then it became a tradition to host at a bar.”
Friendsgiving, a holiday that emphasizes creating new traditions as it also draws upon Thanksgiving traditions, came into use around 2007 according to Merriam-Webster, when it showed up in a Usenet group online called “Friends of the Friendless.” Use of the word gained traction over the years as it was used in ad campaigns from Bailey’s Irish Creme to Butterball, and in television shows from Real Housewives of New Jersey to, perhaps most famously, Friends. In 2020, the word was granted official entry to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
“Friendsgiving is a blend of friend and Thanksgiving, and it refers to a large meal eaten with friends either on or near Thanksgiving. People are serious about their Friendsgiving celebrations: there are how-to’s, sample menus, rules, and even commandments for Friendsgiving. But when Friendsgiving first came into use, it was used to describe something much more informal than the traditional Thanksgiving meal.”
Warmth, Love, Connection
Friendsgiving can be celebrated in addition to the traditional family Thanksgiving. And, for some, it steps in as a welcome substitute for what otherwise would be a family holiday full of angst or, worse, one that would be simply impossible.
Madelynn Johnson, who lives in Clinton, says she’s seen “people do Friendsgiving with friends if they have complicated relationships (or no relationship at all) to members of their family. It’s just celebrating the holiday with friends instead of family.”
Laura Thoma, who lives in Guilford agrees. “I did it for years before it was a thing. I never spent Thanksgiving with my biological family since I graduated from high school.”
Janine Iamunno moved to North Caroline in 2012, and after facing the wrath of Hurricane Florence in September 2018, decided to host a Friendsgiving. Iamunno and her husband, recently married, had missed out on their honeymoon. They had a friend who lost a roof. They had another friend who lost everything.
“We needed each other and we needed warmth and love and the connection that had been spotty in the months since the storm. We let people know to bring their favorite dishes, to share their traditions and the stories behind certain recipes, etc., and we offered a couple of our own,” she says. There was turkey, appetizers, and “sooo much wine.” She says it’s a gathering she will cherish “for the rest of my days.”
If you’ve ever met Lorain Ohio Simister, from Clinton, you know she rarely passes up an opportunity to throw a fun party. Her family always celebrates Friendsgiving, opening their home to both friends and family. There have been times that they have invited “young, lonely sailors” stranded over the holidays at the Naval Submarine Base New London in Groton.
“Last year, my sister died suddenly in early June. So I invited my nephew whom I had not seen in over 20 years, but for the funeral for his mom, my only sister, my only sibling,” she says. “We cooked for 19 people, packed, and drove food for eight of them. We had everyone else here.” Her menu included turkey, mashed potatoes, string beans amandine, a massive olive salad, and baked sweet potatoes. Her partner Bob made his “world-famous, honey-glazed pearl onions.” Guests brought more sides and desserts. “We love feasts,” she says.
A group from Madison Beanery, a now-defunct Madison coffee shop, used to do a Friendsgiving celebration every year, says Christopher Jennings Penders of Madison. It was usually the weekend after Thanksgiving.
“It started out as a way to spend time with friends who felt like family,” he says. “It grew into a large contingent. It started at the Madison Beanery, then moved to the Congregational Church on the Green because the number of people grew.” He says the group usually served traditional Thanksgiving food.
Kate Lombardo Stein, from Madison, also loves Friendsgiving food.
“We always have a Friendsgiving. It’s a great way to make all our favorite foods and try out some new ones with friends,” she says. “We celebrate Thanksgiving out of town, so hosting something at home yields the leftovers we love, too!”
In Praise Of A Hodgepodge
Rigney, looking back at pictures of her inaugural event, deemed it a “hodgepodge,” adding, “that is what Friendsgiving is.”
I have to agree. There are those who prefer to make a traditional Thanksgiving meal for Friendsgiving. That’s OK, but if it’s a meal you have not cooked before, be forewarned that it takes time to shop, plan, and cook, and it can be challenging to get everything to the table while it’s still hot. For those of us who prefer a less-stress, non-traditional menu for Friendsgiving, there’s something to be said for taking the best of what the season offers and switching it up a bit for this friends-like-family celebration.
The easiest and most fun way to do it is to have everyone bring something they love. Here are some tips I found for making this work.
- Make sure one of your reliable friends, the kind who shows up early, is in charge of apps.
- I usually just tell everyone to bring what they want and have never had too many duplicates. But if you like to be a bit more organized, you can create an online sign-up sheet through Google Docs or another online program.
- Have everyone bring a favorite wine, hard cider, or beer.
- If someone in your group is cooking-averse, assign them to bring ice, napkins, or send them to a bakery to pick up a dessert.
- If you have limited space in your kitchen, make sure your guests know to bring their food already prepped and cooked.
- Plan for friends who might have dietary restrictions or preferences. There are a variety of great places locally that can provide you with food that is vegan or gluten-free, or both, including Three Girls Vegan Creamery in Guilford and Shayna B's By The Sea in Old Saybrook.
- If you’re attending a Friendsgiving at a friend’s house, or if someone else is hosting and planning it, consider bringing them a small thank you gift or find some other way to thank them.
- Honor any traditional traditions you love, and feel free to enjoy and make new traditions too.
My ideal Friendsgiving menu would go heavy on the apps, include a few salads, and then skip right to the desserts.
My daughter, Mary, who grew up here in Madison and now lives in Boston, loves the idea of a “gratitude board” for Friendsgiving, a white board or chalk board that people can use to write what they are thankful for, and idea she got from an article on Taste of Home.
We both took the quiz near the bottom of the article and got the same results, our Thanksgiving/Friendsgiving style is “down-home country,” cozy, hearty, homey, with “a rustic, nature-inspired tablescape.”
One of Rigney’s favorite Friendsgiving recipes is a creamy sesame turmeric dip from Alison Roman, included here. Any of Roman’s cookbooks will provide ideas for other options, most of them easy to make. Ina Garten’s new cookbook, Go-To Dinners, has a wealth of recipes that would be great for a Friendsgiving, including roasted shrimp panzanella, Greek orzo salad, winter greens with Stilton and hazelnuts, and hot dogs in puff pastry, included here
Underneath those two recipes are links for a few more suggestions, including sweet, spicy nuts; spinach pomegranate salad; a goat cheese log with cranberries, chives, and black pepper; crispy roasted potatoes; fall mushroom pizza; pizza dip; Coca Cola chicken wings; easy deviled eggs; and a spinach and artichoke dip.
Recipes:
Creamy Sesame Turmeric Dip
From Alison Roman’s Nothing Fancy
Makes About Two Cups
Ingredients
8 ounces cream cheese or ricotta, preferably room temperature
½ cup sour cream or labne
¼ cup tahini
2 tablespoons water
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
¼ cup olive oil
2 tablespoons white sesame seeds
1 teaspoon ground turmeric
Flaky sea salt
Directions
Combine the cream cheese, sour cream, tahini, and water in the bowl of a food processor. Pulse until well blended and creamy. Or you can use a fork to blend it, in which case there might be a few lumps, but it will still taste good. Season with salt and pepper
Heat the olive oil and sesame seeds in a small skillet or pot over medium heat. Cook, swirling occasionally, until the sesame seeds are toasted and fragrant, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the turmeric and remove from heat.
Transfer the cream cheese mixture to a cute serving bowl and top with the sesame-turmeric oil. Finish with flaky salt and more pepper before serving.
Hot Dogs In Puff Pastry
From Ina Garten’s Go-To Dinners
Serves two to four, scale as needed
Ingredients
All-purpose flour
2 sheets frozen puff pastry, thawed in the fridge
4 teaspoons Dijon mustard, such as Grey Poupon, divided
4 all-beef hot dogs, such as Hebrew National
1 egg beaten with 1 tablespoon water, for egg wash
Flacked sea salt, and freshly ground black pepper
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line a sheet pan with parchment paper.
Dust a cutting board lightly with flour, and unfold one sheet of the pastry on the board. Roll lightly with a floured rolling pin to smooth out the folds. Cut two (5 ½ inch x 4 inch) rectangles of pastry. With the longer side facing you, brush one teaspoon of mustard across the lower half of each rectangle.
Place a hot dog on top of the mustard toward the lower edge and roll the pastry up and away from you over the hot dog. The hot dog should be totally encased in pastry. Brush the far inside edge with the egg wash to seal the pastry and place it on the prepared sheet pan, seam side down. Repeat with the remaining puff pastry and hot dogs to make four rolls total.
Brush the tops and sides of puff pastry with the egg wash and sprinkle generously with the sea salt and pepper. Bake for 25 to 35 minutes, until the pastry is browned and cooked through. Serve hot with extra mustard on the side.
More Recipes:
Roasted Butternut Squash Salad with Tahini Vinaigrette
