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Getting Ghostly

The man leans forward and says in a loud voice, “Do you need our help?”

“What if it doesn’t want our help?” Poe asks, her voice shaking a little.

Good question.

Poe, Jinx, and I are in a haunted house. No, really. We’re all intrigued by the supernatural, so Jinx suggests we go on a tour of a house so haunted they’ve made movies about it. We even sign up for the extended version of the tour that includes a séance at the end. So now the tour guide is trying to get someone from the beyond to answer his questions.

We’re all upstairs in the living room except for Jinx. She’s in the basement wearing sound-canceling headphones and an eye mask. She’s volunteered to be a conduit for communication. I don’t like basements anyway, so there’s no way you’d catch me in one to gab with a ghoul, even if I’m not convinced that anything will happen.

I’m an open-minded skeptic if that makes any sense. I think a lot of strange sightings and happenings can be explained logically. However, I do acknowledge that there’s a lot about the world we live in and the world beyond our lives that remains unknown. Are there really ghosts? I don’t know. I don’t rule it out, though.

So, our brave girl Jinx is in the cobweb-infested cellar, trying to establish contact. She’s repeating whatever words she hears as she places her hand on what’s called a spirit box. When she comes back upstairs, she says she feels odd and a little nauseous, but as it turns out, her word answers don’t directly match up with any of the questions asked. Was no one in the mood to talk? Or when we all heard random words from other parts of the house during the séance, was that some sort of communication? Where did those voices come from?

As this is all happening, I feel alternatively like the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz and Dana Scully from The X-Files. Spooked but skeptical. I also end up with a headache. The guide says this is because I’m sensitive to the supernatural. Could be. Or maybe it’s from spending hours in a fusty, musty old house.

The guide talks about how souls will stay in a place and seek to communicate with the living. He says they often want to pass on messages to those who are still alive.

“But what if they don’t know they’re dead?” I ask.

“They probably wonder what we’re all doing here,” he answers.

This makes me wonder, if there are spirits here, how do they feel about what’s happening? Especially if they don’t know they’re dead? What are they thinking about people traipsing through their home, talking, and taking pictures. Are they angry if we didn’t wipe our feet? Do they think we’re the worst busybodies ever, intruding upon their space and theorizing about what happened there?

What are they thinking of the séance? Are they appreciative of people wanting to communicate? Or do they think we’re silly, asking questions and thinking we’ll get answers? Are they nearby the entire time stifling ghostly giggles?

After the séance, a lady in our group says she saw a glimpse of a woman in a white dress earlier during the tour. Why is that so common? When an apparition is seen, why is it so often a woman in a white, old-fashioned-looking dress? Is there some kind of undead uniform? Why doesn’t anyone see a specter sporting a Sears leisure suit? How do phantoms feel about the outfit they end up in after they die? Do they get bored of wearing the same thing for centuries?

Standing in the doorway to the dining room I feel fingers brush through my hair.

The Cowardly Lion in me says they are phantom fingers. I’m not near anyone or anything that could cause my hair to move at all. Not even a breath of a breeze. The Dana Scully in me says it must be something natural and explainable.

The Me in me says the house is old and historic and absolutely lovely. But I wouldn’t want to live there.

Juliana Gribbins is a writer who believes that absurdity is the spice of life. Her book Date Expectations is winner of the 2017 Independent Press Awards, Humor Category and winner of the 2016 IPPY silver medal for humor. Write to her at jeepgribbs@hotmail.com. Read more of her columns at www.zip06.com/shorelineliving.