October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, and the Guilford Police Department (GPD) is fostering a community effort to make residents aware and to let victims know where and how they can make themselves safe. Domestic Violence Month was initiated in Connecticut in 2014, focusing on breaking the silence and fear associated with this crime.

The harsh realities are deeply personal to Deputy Chief of Police Salvatore Nesci and his family, as they can attest to just how ubiquitous both perpetrators and victims can be.

Nesci has been with the GPD for over two years and was recently promoted to Deputy Chief. He has spent decades in law enforcement, including in Meriden, most specifically, and is also an instructor at Post University.

Nesci comes from a family steeped in law enforcement from his own son, his grandfather, his brother, and Nesci’s sister, Loredana. Loredana was a former Los Angeles police officer and high-profile lawyer. She had just begun filming a reality TV show for the Sundance Channel revolving around her life as a California attorney when she was murdered by her domestic partner in a crime described by the sentencing judge as “...cruel, selfish, and brutal.”

“Being in law enforcement for so many years, I unfortunately have seen a lot of domestic violence throughout my career,” said Nesci. “I’ve seen the laws change to address domestic violence, and we’ve come a long way over the years, and they continue to improve, but domestic violence month is something that really hits home for us as a department. One of those aspects is remembering victims and remembering survivors.”

According to Nesci, the intensity and shock of his sister’s murder is something he and his family are still struggling to process.

“I remember that day like it was yesterday. I think my whole family does. It was seven years ago, and it’s still as clear as day,” said Nesci. “I still can’t wrap my mind around it. She was 47; she had everything going for her, everything. She was just starting to hit her stride.”

According to her brother, she was in the process of separating from her partner when the murder occurred.

“I had spoken to them the Sunday prior and had been informed that they were going to dissolve their relationship...He was going to move out, and it sounded like it was going to be amicable. She had such a good thing going on. Bear in mind she was doing very, very well for herself. She had her own TV show; she had been on The View in New York. Her law practice was doing well, she had just bought a new house in Redondo Beach,” said Nesci. “It was very sad. It was a very difficult trial to sit through. It really is just a sad story all the way around, but a story that hopefully people can learn from. Socio-economic background, race, religion, gender, age simply doesn’t play a role in regard to domestic violence. What happens behind closed doors in people’s homes, only they know. I would have never predicted this outcome for my sister...If it can happen to her, it can happen to any of us.”

Nesci expressed his conviction that anyone who is enduring a domestic situation that is unsafe can reach out and find help.

“I just want folks to know that there is help available out there. There are a number of organizations that people can utilize, from the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Women and Family Center here in Guilford, and folks can simply walk into our station,” said Nesci. “Domestic violence is really prevalent out there in our society. And it can be hidden well, and it’s an underreported crime. People don’t want to draw attention to the internal dynamics of their life. Police cars showing up to your house, some people are simply too afraid to speak out. It can be very difficult to make that step, but we want everyone to know that there is help available.”

Nesci and his wife have raised Loredana’s son since 2015, a reminder for Nesci of both the immediate and long-term consequences of domestic violence.

“We are raising our nephew now and there is a reminder there every single day. When I look at him, I can’t forget why he is living with his aunt and uncle and not with his mother, his parents. It’s incongruent. He should be being raised by his parents,” said Nesci. “To have this happen to him in this manner is truly shocking.”

Nesci added, “These behaviors happen across the board: all relationships, dating relationships, people who live together, people who have children together, people who are married. You even see some of this manifesting even in high school relationships. So, it truly is important to talk to someone who has a background in this or a trusted friend. There are plenty of resources out there. There are counselors for anyone in any situation. Most folks can’t do it on their own; they need help.

Chief of Police Christopher Massey also stressed the importance of seeking help in any situation that involves abuse of any kind.

“There are a wide variety of community partners advocating for domestic victims. This is a great opportunity to get some messaging out there and let people know we are here for them. This is an issue that affects all communities, and that affects all demographics,” said Massey. “This is not something that is unique to any demographic. It really goes across the entire spectrum of society. It is also a situation where victims suffer in silence. Domestic violence typically occurs behind closed doors, and many times it takes a while for victims to gather the ability to reach out and ask for help, and we want to make sure we are making it comfortable for anyone to come in, ask for advice, and to seek help.”

That can be difficult, according to Nesci, because so much is intertwined with our personal partners. Many victims of domestic violence often do not have the means to “walk away” from a relationship.

“Their security can be so tied to that individual, housing, finances, kids, money, cars...Now you’re going to disrupt that? People feel trapped because they are,” Nesci said. “For many people, it’s not an option to just leave. But that is why we recommend people seek help, even though it’s scary because these organizations can help.”

Anyone seeking help, information, or assistance with any form of domestic violence can find resources via the following organizations.

Women and Family Life Center in Guilford provides various services for individuals and families afflicted by violence. They can be reached at 203-458-6699, via email at info@womenandfamilylife.or, or at www.womenandfamilylife.org.

Anyone can contact or walk into the Guilford Police station at 400 Church Street anytime and receive free and confidential advice and assistance. GPD can be reached at 203-453-8061.

Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence has a 24-hour helpline which can be reached at 888-774-2900.